Breaking up

Dearest Diet Coke,

I'm sorry, but I have to leave you. It's just not working anymore. I know, I know, we had some great times together. You were always there for me on those long car trips and stressful days at work. No one will ever get rid of a headache like you. Yes, my love for you was the stuff romantics wrote sappy love songs about... But I just can't do this anymore.

No, no, it's not you. It's me. I'm ashamed to say I have found a new love. His name is Water. With the changes I'm making, we just seem to fit better together. Water knows how to meet my needs in a way I never thought was possible. Water keeps me from eating more than I should. For these reasons, I feel we must part.

Please know, this goodbye will definately hurt me more in about two days than it ever will you.

Sincerely,

Me