Another Surgery

It's 1:29am and here I lay. Anesthesia wires me. I can not sleep for anything and my foot is throbbing. I'm hoping by returning to blog world, I can pull my frustration away from not being able to sleep and the pain and side track myself for a bit.

This morning I had surgery to once again fix a ruptured achilles tendon. Some people say it's good that I've already had the surgery once because "you know what you are getting into". I say it's not so good to have already had the surgery once because "I know what I'm getting into".

I must say, I quickly remembered how to use the crutches. Last time it took me 10 minutes to get to the bathroom and back, this time, it only takes 3.

I remember how to get in the tub. I attempted it tonight because I smelled like a hospital, and I hate that smell. I was successful and did not kill myself or drown because I remembered how to do it.

I remember how to carry things. You get creative. I needed crackers or some sort of food to take my meds. I crutched to the kitchen, grabbed a package of crackers, tucked them under my chin and crutched back to the bed.

So you might say I'm lucky that I can remember how to do all these things. I guess I am lucky.

What I don't like and what frustrates me the most is that I have lost my independence. I will be the first to admit that my nickname should be "miss independence". I hate, hate, hate asking for help, and when I do, I feel guilty for pulling someone away from other things they could be doing. I've come to a conclusion tonight. Maybe if I would learn to let others serve, I would quit being put in these situations. Maybe I need to learn that others want to help, that they are more then willing to help, maybe I had to have this surgery twice so that I can learn this lesson. And for those of you that are willing and do help and serve me, (and you know who you are), I am so very grateful. Thank you for looking past my stubbornness. :)

I'm also grateful for a great doctor. I've seen him at least once or twice a month for the last 14 months. He is dedicated to fixing me and trying to return me to 90%. He said to me this morning before the surgery that he would be sad when I was all fixed because then he wouldn't get to see me anymore. He then grabbed my foot and with a tear in his eye said "I consider you a friend, and I will try everything I can to fix you". I have been blessed with good doctors in my life.

Stay tuned for my adventures of life on crutches. If it's anything like last time, I will have many comical stories to tell.